Things I've Remembered, Things You Should Know, And Dancing

Ok students listen up! I had the dubious joy of going out last night for the first New Year's Eve in probably 15 yrs or longer. I have worked the last 10 so I know it has been at least that long.
Anyway, things I remembered last night. I hate people, always knew it but had forgotten why. Now I remember. Never underestimate the stupidity of people in large groups. That one is key, humans by nature are pack animals. Let me correct that, I don't mean pack like a group of skilled wolves. Herd animals is probably a better description. Like a bunch of brainless cattle that willingly walk single file to their deaths without a single thought of escape. Due to the previous reasons I remember why I drink alone.
Things you should know. Yes, unless you are a metro sexual or homosexual and you have outboard plumbing, you look ridiculous when you dance. This applies to all straight males with very few exceptions. If you are not Gregory Hines, Patrick Swayze or Mikhail Baryshnikov sit your happy ass down. Another exception to this rule applies to me. If the love of your life is, was, or should be a stripper and your only role in the whole production is to stand still while your partner uses you for a mobile stripper pole then it all good. Believe me this is not easy. Standing immobile, while half smashed, while your partner wildly swings their weight around without falling over and crushing them is not as easy as it looks.
The bad part about being a black sheep is your still a sheep. Granted we are a rapidly dying breed but there are still a few of us wolves around. From my personal experience I can tell you it's always the person you least expect. These days it most likely is the guy in his late thirties or early forties. More than likely wearing jeans and a button down shirt even when the other "men" are in suits and/or ties. He is the one with the semi tired slightly amused look on his face. Probably has a beer gut or is carrying a few extra pounds from a hard earned good life. Another good thing to check is the persons hands, if the knuckles are scarred up and a finger or two appears to have been broken, leave this person alone! Now don't misunderstand me, I am not looking for trouble but my girl is clearly with me. If you go winking or sticking your tongue out at her or some other juvenile bullshit someone might just chop it off for ya. A little respect and common sense goes a long way when out in a crowd. Lots of people have gone out for the night and never come back.
Now you'll have to excuse me while I step down off my soapbox and have a little hair of the dog.